Kitty Tails

Article One: The CAT-ASS-TROPHY

 

I'm an honorary cat person. I mainly go for dogs but occasionally cats let me have the honor of addressing them. However it has to be said that I'm persona non grata at the moment I have found out their Achilles Heel. THEY HATE TO BE MADE TO LOOK FOOLISH AS IT RUINS THEIR STREET CRED. 

Case in point. 

I used to have a black and white cat that was definitely psycho. It would do 0 to 60 in 1.3 seconds for no apparent reason! One day I came into the apartment and this black and white blur shot into the living room, leapt up onto my office swivel chair which promptly spun round and launched the furry object at the window (which was fortunately closed as I was on the 5th floor!!). Said furry object hit the curtain and the window with a significant, well, SPLAT! Like a thrown wet sponge, impacting with the window at approximately 8 miles an hour. 

Whereupon it slithered slowly and completely without grace or sense of style to the floor and commenced to wash itself as if to say "Of course, I meant to do that!!!" At which point I broke Cat Rule Number ONE of the book on Feline Etiquette.

 

NEVER LAUGH AT A CAT!

 

Said feline gave me a look of disdain and pure filth and turned it's back on me and continued it's ablutions as if I wasn't there. 

Well, for the rest of the week, I was completely ignored and the only indication that I even existed was when it would arrive at the food bowl, tail lashing from side to side like a bullwhip while glaring up at me as if to say "WELL?"

All attempts at offering the olive branch of peace was studiously ignored as indicated by staring out of the window and refusing to acknowledge my existence. Until into about the third month after the incident whereupon the feline had decided that my punishment had ended when it deposited the remains of a mouse in one of my slippers and something obnoxious in the other!!! 

An uneasy truce was put in place but it was just waiting for me to put a foot wrong as inevitably I was going to do!! Especially during the Great War between the cat, the mouse trap and me.