Eulogy for Squeakers

*FINAL INSTRUCTIONS AND EULOGY

BEFORE INTERNMENT*

(All those in attendance, are required to stand with your tails between your legs and maintain silence while the eulogy is read. There will be a moment of silence which may occasionally be broken by a concentrated scratch of the ear and maybe a sleepy yawn.

OH GREAT SQUEAKER IN THE SKY! 

We dogs, cats, kittens and puppies stand before you in repentance with our tails between our legs and our heads hanging down in mournful gaze at the demise of our stuffed toys that we have disembowled as we did with malice and forethought, silence them forever. Our owners were delighted at having them silenced since we discovered them at 2:00 in the morning on Christmas Day and they have been subjected to incessant squeaking ever since in a variety of octaves, the final pitch being so high that a long eared bat was so disorientated that it slammed into the side of the house and disturbed the baby and thus causing even more chaos! 

Our owners have informed us that next year the animals will have no squeakers!!!!